Quantity vs. Quality

Quantity vs. quality; this is not a new struggle. Sometimes I feel alone when I ask this question. Other times I hear someone struggling with the same thing and I breathe a sigh of relief to know that it is a valid question to ask and to wrestle with.

There are so many hurting people in the World; so, many hurting people in the small part of the world that I am in right now. These past two weeks in Glenwood I have been stretched and have witnessed hearts break. There was one point last week, as I was driving home I asked God, “Am I growing Lord? I hope so God b/c this is to painful to just ‘be’ please use this somehow someway.” It seems selfish in a way, to look at all the pain and to say/or/think enough is enough and desperately want to leave the situations behind me and block them from my mind. It seems easier in a sense to become so “busy” that I do not have time to really give of myself to the few and to walk with them and really listen and build a relationship.

I have guarded carefully against becoming to busy. But recently I feel heavy with a weight that I can not explain, burdened with the weight of quantity when it comes to the youth here in Glenwood. I feel as though numbers are what is important and in this mindset, I have lost a little of “Suzanne” I have cried tears of confusion, and most recently have entered into the “Urban Trance” and have been apathetic towards the young middle school girls here in Glenwood.

The numbers at G.D.M. (Glenwood Dance Ministry) have risen a little and in that we seemed to have misplaced the unity that we were slowly building. The honesty level has dropped and I have looked over it until now. There are a few that are causing the disruption. What does one do? Do I remove them from the group? Do I weather it out at the others expense? I was encouraged by a fellow Glenwood team member to look at what my “vision” is with the girls, is it Quantity or Quality? Neither is above the other, but what is it that I believe I am to be doing right now? My mind has a million reasons why it should be quantity, but my heart says quality.

My heart yearns for the youth in Glenwood to be reached. There needs to be something that is for the masses. But I feel called to more disciple and focus on walking along side of the girls. But, I don’t want to turn girls away. I guess I still feel a little at lost as to how to go about what I believe I am supposed to be doing.

I saw Quintella Smile Today…

It seems like a small thing. And perhaps it was, but it made my day and helped bring a little clarity to my thoughts today. Last week, G.D.M. (Glenwood Dance Ministry) started back after taking a break over Christmas.

It is hard for me at times not to compare G.D.M. to the 1st 2 years when there was 30 + kids coming (boys and girls) and regular volunteers. It was a whirlwind. I still remember standing with Denine in the parking lot of Glenwood Methodist after the pancake breakfast trying to figure out how we were going to transport all the kids back to church and then home. Now it was no honeymoon to say in the least it was HARD and there were many tears as we worked with so many young people and their families. But some times I miss it. I miss praying with the volunteers before we dance and falling onto the couch after dance and Denine saying, “I am tired but a GOOD TIRED!” And so sometimes I think to myself… “Why only 10 girls, why am I working with the middle school girls, am I using my time wisely, should I be more focused on the quantity of girls that are able to come to safe and loving environment every Thursday?”

My heart is to see more and more girls be able to express themselves in dance, to have a safe place to come, and to be loved, and to learn how to love. There are times that I wonder how to expand…but what I hear in my spirit is, “This is good, love these few, I know you want to reach more, just trust Me.” So I lay my worries and concerns down again, I chose to trust, I choose to listen and obey.

I saw Quintella smile today, and that made all the difference. It helped me to see what God has been trying to tell me for a few months now.

Covering up Pain with Pain

Covering up Pain with Pain. Does this seem illogical to you? How can one cover up pain with pain? It is done every day in many different ways. Many times it is intentional and other times it is not. These past few weeks I have seen it in many different ways.

I am standing in a crowded room in a dentist office. (Background – an amazing dentist in Greensboro offered to care for one of our middle school girls and her dental work that so desperately needed attention.) The dentist begins to show me her x-rays and the two teeth that are causing the most pain. One is completely gone and the other is ½ way gone. When asked which tooth hurt the worst she replied the one that was ½ way gone. I did all I could to not cry right there in the office as the hygienist explained to me the incredible amount of pain this young girl had to been in with the worse tooth, but then when the 2nd tooth began hurting she could not deal with both at the same time so the 2nd drowned out the first. She had learned to live with the pain, she was in more pain then she even realized b/c the pain had slowly built upon itself.

This is the way it is with us at times. It may not be physical all the time but it is there. We are hurt or disappointed by someone and instead of dealing with and working through that pain we cover it up with pain…we may chose to cut off our hearts telling ourselves we will never trust anyone again. Some have intentionally hurt someone else or have been violated themselves, some chose to withdraw, turning to substances, unhealthy relationships and even self inflicted harm, leaving scars that are evidence of the pain that is in his/her heart.

Pain will come in this life, there is no getting around it. Being a Christian does not make you exempt from the pain and the suffering. But it does give you hope…Hope that this is not all that there is in life. Jesus restores the broken hearted. The above story was about a young girl that was suffering pain from decayed teeth. But The message is---that there is hope for every decaying place in your heart and that Jesus can and is willing and waiting for you to allow Him in to minister to those broken places.

Check out http://www.mercyministries.com/ a place of healing for girls and young women age 14-28 years old.

MOVE ON...

There is crime in the hood. One of my friends responses to a request for prayer, we will pray that they MOVE ON.

A “No Loitering” Sign is placed in a strategic place to MOVE ON the homeless that wait at the corner of Lee and Eugene in hopes for a job and to be able to go into Urban Ministries for a meal or Salvation Army for a place to sleep.

MOVE ON… is that helpful? Where are they to MOVE ON too? Yes, I agree that this is helpful to the business that is trying to start up. No small business owner wants a homeless crowd on his corner. The city doesn’t want them there for they are trying to make a “Gateway to Greensboro” that is appealing to the eye. When visitors come into our city they will see a well kept area of town as they come off 85 but will they realize all the people that were displaced for their pleasure?

MOVE ON…Yes, there is crime and it seems to be rising but why would I want it to MOVE ON? So that I feel safe? So that I do not worry as I drop off young girls in the evenings and tell them to quickly go inside and to wave at me to let me know that someone else is home with them. Yes I want to be safe. Yes, I do not want any more of our kids to join the active gangs in the area. Yes, I want us to be able to play at the park with out running into dealers.

But…NO, I do not want them to MOVE ON to another area of town to destroy others lives and their own. No I do not wish that the kids that are causing trouble to be picked up and kept in jail until they are 18. I want them to be reached. I want the young girls (12-18) that have joined gangs b/c of a longing for a family to find it in the church. I want us as a Church to step up and to invite the prostitutes into our women fellowships.

To some this posting may seem naive or even hopeless. A young women wishing into the winds. But my heart it not for my neighbors to MOVE ON it is for God to move upon our city. To soften our (my) hearts and the ones committing crimes these crimes as well.

Let us not ask those that are homeless in our city to become as nomads, always moving and leaving.

These are my thoughts tonight… Who am I to pray for the hurt and the displaced in this world to MOVE ON?

bake sale

Bake-Sale

Support Glenwood Youth Going to the “Fall Retreat”


As a body of Believers we have been called to be the church; not limiting ourselves to the comfort of “church” but to reach beyond racial and economic lines becoming a diverse body that glorifies God in all that we do.

“We are committed to money not being an issue here at Grace…” (Grace Youth Leader)


We Need YOUR HELP!!!!

There are Glenwood youth that desire to attend this year’s fall retreat but are not able to do so with out financial assistance.


We need baked goods, and buyers!

Bake Sale

When: October 21st, 2007 (Before and after the 9:30 and 11am services)

Where: Grace Community Church


If you are able to provide baked goods please contact

Suzanne Mathis - by commenting here.

So Young

Tonight my heart is heavy. My heart has longed to grieve and yet I my tears have had no where to fall. How do you understand the loss of an 8 year old? What do you say to her grandmother and her cousins as they sit in a small crowded living room with plastic smiles on their faces yet their eyes are brimming with tears?

This past Sunday a family here in Glenwood loss their young cousin and Granddaughter to cancer. Somehow I held on and believed that she would recover. As I sat in the Grandmother’s home yesterday holding young lay-lay’s picture in my hand, my heart broke and my thoughts were urgent… how not a minute is to be spared in teaching the youth of Glenwood about the TRUTH in Jesus Christ. How we never know which day will be our last.

So I will go upstairs in a few hours and lay out clothes to wear to the funeral tomorrow. I’m not sure how tomorrow will go. I pray that God will use me, even in my brokenness, to comfort others. Oh how the death of a child is so very hard to understand.

Injustice in the form of a Youth Choir

I recently met a new student at UNCG and was excited to hear that she had hooked up with a church in Glenwood that was starting a youth choir that would be open to neighborhood kids. Shortly after our initial discussion, she recruited volunteers to hand out flyers at InterVarsity. After IV, she asked me if I thought it was safe to go door to door. I assured her that it would be fine, and gave her a few pointers (i.e. avoid stray dogs, etc.). I asked her if they would provide transportation, as many of the parents either don't have cars or work various shifts, so might not always be able to drop off/pick up their kids.

That's when she shared something that broke my heart. The pastor had instructed the group of volunteers to go to the "nicer looking" houses in the neighborhood. He went on to justify this by saying that the church doesn't currently have the resources to help the members of the community that, prompted by their invitation to the kids, would flock to their door in need of assistance. While I understand their concern, I think it's a poor excuse that is ultimately cheating the kids who need extracurricular activities the most. The church can always refer people to organizations in the community who require referrals, or even just offer a friendly face to hear someone's story. I can't judge too harshly -- I'm sure the comment emerged from some underlying fear.

It just breaks my heart that a youth choir, with a mission of reaching the kids in the neighborhood, has plans to discriminate against those whose houses don't look "nice." I could get off on a whole other discussion about absentee landlords that leave tenants with nasty looking houses, adding yet another layer of injustice to both the families and the kids, but we'll save that for another day. For now, we'll just pray that God's heart for the Glenwood kids will be revealed to this church body in a completely unadulterated fashion.