Quantity vs. Quality

Quantity vs. quality; this is not a new struggle. Sometimes I feel alone when I ask this question. Other times I hear someone struggling with the same thing and I breathe a sigh of relief to know that it is a valid question to ask and to wrestle with.

There are so many hurting people in the World; so, many hurting people in the small part of the world that I am in right now. These past two weeks in Glenwood I have been stretched and have witnessed hearts break. There was one point last week, as I was driving home I asked God, “Am I growing Lord? I hope so God b/c this is to painful to just ‘be’ please use this somehow someway.” It seems selfish in a way, to look at all the pain and to say/or/think enough is enough and desperately want to leave the situations behind me and block them from my mind. It seems easier in a sense to become so “busy” that I do not have time to really give of myself to the few and to walk with them and really listen and build a relationship.

I have guarded carefully against becoming to busy. But recently I feel heavy with a weight that I can not explain, burdened with the weight of quantity when it comes to the youth here in Glenwood. I feel as though numbers are what is important and in this mindset, I have lost a little of “Suzanne” I have cried tears of confusion, and most recently have entered into the “Urban Trance” and have been apathetic towards the young middle school girls here in Glenwood.

The numbers at G.D.M. (Glenwood Dance Ministry) have risen a little and in that we seemed to have misplaced the unity that we were slowly building. The honesty level has dropped and I have looked over it until now. There are a few that are causing the disruption. What does one do? Do I remove them from the group? Do I weather it out at the others expense? I was encouraged by a fellow Glenwood team member to look at what my “vision” is with the girls, is it Quantity or Quality? Neither is above the other, but what is it that I believe I am to be doing right now? My mind has a million reasons why it should be quantity, but my heart says quality.

My heart yearns for the youth in Glenwood to be reached. There needs to be something that is for the masses. But I feel called to more disciple and focus on walking along side of the girls. But, I don’t want to turn girls away. I guess I still feel a little at lost as to how to go about what I believe I am supposed to be doing.