Shutting Down

There was another shooting last night, about a block away from my house. I've heard there was one Friday night, too, but am not sure about that. Either way, that's 2, maybe 3 within one month. I was deeply affected by the first one. I've talked about this with a few other Glenwood folk; it really surprised me how hard it hit me. I realized that I really feel the pulse of the community. It didn't hurt so much for the particular person who got shot, but for the general oppression that blankets our neighborhood.

I found out about this one walking home from church this morning. N is a really sweet guy, he talks slow and has some sort of mental deficiency, although I'm not sure if it's drug induced or not. He said he wanted to make sure that I knew, he knows that we are trying to "change the neighborhood." He was really upset by the whole deal - which is a very good thing.

I have found myself consciously shutting down today. I just don't have time to process it right now...too much to do. Knowing how much it affected me before, I decided to wait and deal with/pray through this when I'm home alone this evening...after I get "all the important stuff" done. I keep going back to N though... He talked about how terrible this was for the neighborhood, how much he hated it. How things hadn't seemed so bad lately. All day today I've heard his voice saying the things I feel in my heart.

I wonder if this is what most people in Glenwood do. They just pick themselves up and move on. They pretend it didn't happen...they just keep working harder to try to make life better. In talking to a few people about the last shooting, they were all very matter of fact, as if it was something that happened on the other side of the world. While N surprised me in his vulnerability, it was refreshing.

I hope in the future I can be as brave as N, and just let it take hold.