Life in the G

Quantity vs. Quality

2008-04-12T21:26:00.000-05:00

Quantity vs. quality; this is not a new struggle. Sometimes I feel alone when I ask this question. Other times I hear someone struggling with the same thing and I breathe a sigh of relief to know that it is a valid question to ask and to wrestle with.

There are so many hurting people in the World; so, many hurting people in the small part of the world that I am in right now. These past two weeks in Glenwood I have been stretched and have witnessed hearts break. There was one point last week, as I was driving home I asked God, “Am I growing Lord? I hope so God b/c this is to painful to just ‘be’ please use this somehow someway.” It seems selfish in a way, to look at all the pain and to say/or/think enough is enough and desperately want to leave the situations behind me and block them from my mind. It seems easier in a sense to become so “busy” that I do not have time to really give of myself to the few and to walk with them and really listen and build a relationship.

I have guarded carefully against becoming to busy. But recently I feel heavy with a weight that I can not explain, burdened with the weight of quantity when it comes to the youth here in Glenwood. I feel as though numbers are what is important and in this mindset, I have lost a little of “Suzanne” I have cried tears of confusion, and most recently have entered into the “Urban Trance” and have been apathetic towards the young middle school girls here in Glenwood.

The numbers at G.D.M. (Glenwood Dance Ministry) have risen a little and in that we seemed to have misplaced the unity that we were slowly building. The honesty level has dropped and I have looked over it until now. There are a few that are causing the disruption. What does one do? Do I remove them from the group? Do I weather it out at the others expense? I was encouraged by a fellow Glenwood team member to look at what my “vision” is with the girls, is it Quantity or Quality? Neither is above the other, but what is it that I believe I am to be doing right now? My mind has a million reasons why it should be quantity, but my heart says quality.

My heart yearns for the youth in Glenwood to be reached. There needs to be something that is for the masses. But I feel called to more disciple and focus on walking along side of the girls. But, I don’t want to turn girls away. I guess I still feel a little at lost as to how to go about what I believe I am supposed to be doing.

I saw Quintella Smile Today…

2008-02-21T22:21:00.000-05:00

It seems like a small thing. And perhaps it was, but it made my day and helped bring a little clarity to my thoughts today. Last week, G.D.M. (Glenwood Dance Ministry) started back after taking a break over Christmas.

It is hard for me at times not to compare G.D.M. to the 1st 2 years when there was 30 + kids coming (boys and girls) and regular volunteers. It was a whirlwind. I still remember standing with Denine in the parking lot of Glenwood Methodist after the pancake breakfast trying to figure out how we were going to transport all the kids back to church and then home. Now it was no honeymoon to say in the least it was HARD and there were many tears as we worked with so many young people and their families. But some times I miss it. I miss praying with the volunteers before we dance and falling onto the couch after dance and Denine saying, “I am tired but a GOOD TIRED!” And so sometimes I think to myself… “Why only 10 girls, why am I working with the middle school girls, am I using my time wisely, should I be more focused on the quantity of girls that are able to come to safe and loving environment every Thursday?”

My heart is to see more and more girls be able to express themselves in dance, to have a safe place to come, and to be loved, and to learn how to love. There are times that I wonder how to expand…but what I hear in my spirit is, “This is good, love these few, I know you want to reach more, just trust Me.” So I lay my worries and concerns down again, I chose to trust, I choose to listen and obey.

I saw Quintella smile today, and that made all the difference. It helped me to see what God has been trying to tell me for a few months now.

Covering up Pain with Pain

2007-11-11T22:41:00.000-05:00

Covering up Pain with Pain. Does this seem illogical to you? How can one cover up pain with pain? It is done every day in many different ways. Many times it is intentional and other times it is not. These past few weeks I have seen it in many different ways.

I am standing in a crowded room in a dentist office. (Background – an amazing dentist in Greensboro offered to care for one of our middle school girls and her dental work that so desperately needed attention.) The dentist begins to show me her x-rays and the two teeth that are causing the most pain. One is completely gone and the other is ½ way gone. When asked which tooth hurt the worst she replied the one that was ½ way gone. I did all I could to not cry right there in the office as the hygienist explained to me the incredible amount of pain this young girl had to been in with the worse tooth, but then when the 2nd tooth began hurting she could not deal with both at the same time so the 2nd drowned out the first. She had learned to live with the pain, she was in more pain then she even realized b/c the pain had slowly built upon itself.

This is the way it is with us at times. It may not be physical all the time but it is there. We are hurt or disappointed by someone and instead of dealing with and working through that pain we cover it up with pain…we may chose to cut off our hearts telling ourselves we will never trust anyone again. Some have intentionally hurt someone else or have been violated themselves, some chose to withdraw, turning to substances, unhealthy relationships and even self inflicted harm, leaving scars that are evidence of the pain that is in his/her heart.

Pain will come in this life, there is no getting around it. Being a Christian does not make you exempt from the pain and the suffering. But it does give you hope…Hope that this is not all that there is in life. Jesus restores the broken hearted. The above story was about a young girl that was suffering pain from decayed teeth. But The message is---that there is hope for every decaying place in your heart and that Jesus can and is willing and waiting for you to allow Him in to minister to those broken places.

Check out http://www.mercyministries.com/ a place of healing for girls and young women age 14-28 years old.

MOVE ON...

2007-10-22T18:53:00.000-05:00

There is crime in the hood. One of my friends responses to a request for prayer, we will pray that they MOVE ON.

A “No Loitering” Sign is placed in a strategic place to MOVE ON the homeless that wait at the corner of Lee and Eugene in hopes for a job and to be able to go into Urban Ministries for a meal or Salvation Army for a place to sleep.

MOVE ON… is that helpful? Where are they to MOVE ON too? Yes, I agree that this is helpful to the business that is trying to start up. No small business owner wants a homeless crowd on his corner. The city doesn’t want them there for they are trying to make a “Gateway to Greensboro” that is appealing to the eye. When visitors come into our city they will see a well kept area of town as they come off 85 but will they realize all the people that were displaced for their pleasure?

MOVE ON…Yes, there is crime and it seems to be rising but why would I want it to MOVE ON? So that I feel safe? So that I do not worry as I drop off young girls in the evenings and tell them to quickly go inside and to wave at me to let me know that someone else is home with them. Yes I want to be safe. Yes, I do not want any more of our kids to join the active gangs in the area. Yes, I want us to be able to play at the park with out running into dealers.

But…NO, I do not want them to MOVE ON to another area of town to destroy others lives and their own. No I do not wish that the kids that are causing trouble to be picked up and kept in jail until they are 18. I want them to be reached. I want the young girls (12-18) that have joined gangs b/c of a longing for a family to find it in the church. I want us as a Church to step up and to invite the prostitutes into our women fellowships.

To some this posting may seem naive or even hopeless. A young women wishing into the winds. But my heart it not for my neighbors to MOVE ON it is for God to move upon our city. To soften our (my) hearts and the ones committing crimes these crimes as well.

Let us not ask those that are homeless in our city to become as nomads, always moving and leaving.

These are my thoughts tonight… Who am I to pray for the hurt and the displaced in this world to MOVE ON?

bake sale

2007-10-14T16:35:00.000-05:00

Bake-Sale

Support Glenwood Youth Going to the “Fall Retreat”

As a body of Believers we have been called to be the church; not limiting ourselves to the comfort of “church” but to reach beyond racial and economic lines becoming a diverse body that glorifies God in all that we do.

“We are committed to money not being an issue here at Grace…” (Grace Youth Leader)

We Need YOUR HELP!!!!

There are Glenwood youth that desire to attend this year’s fall retreat but are not able to do so with out financial assistance.

We need baked goods, and buyers!

Bake Sale

When: October 21st, 2007 (Before and after the 9:30 and 11am services)

Where: Grace Community Church

If you are able to provide baked goods please contact

Suzanne Mathis - by commenting here.

So Young

2007-10-10T17:21:00.000-05:00

Tonight my heart is heavy. My heart has longed to grieve and yet I my tears have had no where to fall. How do you understand the loss of an 8 year old? What do you say to her grandmother and her cousins as they sit in a small crowded living room with plastic smiles on their faces yet their eyes are brimming with tears?

This past Sunday a family here in Glenwood loss their young cousin and Granddaughter to cancer. Somehow I held on and believed that she would recover. As I sat in the Grandmother’s home yesterday holding young lay-lay’s picture in my hand, my heart broke and my thoughts were urgent… how not a minute is to be spared in teaching the youth of Glenwood about the TRUTH in Jesus Christ. How we never know which day will be our last.

So I will go upstairs in a few hours and lay out clothes to wear to the funeral tomorrow. I’m not sure how tomorrow will go. I pray that God will use me, even in my brokenness, to comfort others. Oh how the death of a child is so very hard to understand.

Injustice in the form of a Youth Choir

2007-09-26T18:35:00.000-05:00

I recently met a new student at UNCG and was excited to hear that she had hooked up with a church in Glenwood that was starting a youth choir that would be open to neighborhood kids. Shortly after our initial discussion, she recruited volunteers to hand out flyers at InterVarsity. After IV, she asked me if I thought it was safe to go door to door. I assured her that it would be fine, and gave her a few pointers (i.e. avoid stray dogs, etc.). I asked her if they would provide transportation, as many of the parents either don't have cars or work various shifts, so might not always be able to drop off/pick up their kids.

That's when she shared something that broke my heart. The pastor had instructed the group of volunteers to go to the "nicer looking" houses in the neighborhood. He went on to justify this by saying that the church doesn't currently have the resources to help the members of the community that, prompted by their invitation to the kids, would flock to their door in need of assistance. While I understand their concern, I think it's a poor excuse that is ultimately cheating the kids who need extracurricular activities the most. The church can always refer people to organizations in the community who require referrals, or even just offer a friendly face to hear someone's story. I can't judge too harshly -- I'm sure the comment emerged from some underlying fear.

It just breaks my heart that a youth choir, with a mission of reaching the kids in the neighborhood, has plans to discriminate against those whose houses don't look "nice." I could get off on a whole other discussion about absentee landlords that leave tenants with nasty looking houses, adding yet another layer of injustice to both the families and the kids, but we'll save that for another day. For now, we'll just pray that God's heart for the Glenwood kids will be revealed to this church body in a completely unadulterated fashion.

One Runs the Risk of Weeping When He Lets Himself Be Tamed

2007-08-03T13:17:00.000-05:00

The heading is a line from “The Little Prince,” and describes the cost involved in loving deeply. In the book, the prince meets a fox on another planet, and eventually they become friends. The fox begins to cry when the prince has to leave, and when the prince tells him not to be sad, the fox replies, “One runs the risk of weeping when he lets himself be tamed.”

The GUPY students left yesterday, and I’ve been crying intermittently since Monday (when we left Mexico City). I have really loved these student and given them my heart (and they have done the same), and now it’s just too quiet here at the house without them coming in and out. Right now I don’t want to have GUPY 2008 because I don’t want to feel this sadness again next year. But I know that in time, the sadness will pass and what will remain will be the memories of how God used our 6 weeks in mighty ways, both in Greensboro and in the students.

For now, driving around town reminds me of all that we did together, and I wish that the students were still here with us, learning and growing, laughing and loving, being stretched by God to live out His word in faithful ways.

While tears are no fun (and having them come at random times, such as while taking out the garbage or walking into Harris Teeter, is inconvenient), they are a sign that I was tamed this summer, making 10 new friends and being a small part of God’s bigger work in the world. It is small price to pay, and there will one day be much celebration of the ways God continued to use GUPY 2007 long after this summer.

Generations

2006-12-20T10:43:00.000-05:00

Another commentary on the injustice that black men face, from the perspective of men in my family…

My grandfather has been a civil rights activist for about 70 years. At 86, he still attends rallies, fights against injustice in the city, and ends his answering machine message “We’re all political prisoners.” I was talking to him one day about how I was about to enter the mission field and the subject of race came up. I shared that I attended a predominantly white church and that most of my close friends were white. He cautioned me—“They always want to come into our neighborhoods and fix things, but they’re rarely go back and change their own people. You can work with them…just don’t trust them. There are some good ones, but most of them will desert you when push comes to shove.” I thanked him for his advice, and said that I understand how he has that opinion given his experiences. But that this wasn’t my experience.” Yet as soon as I hung up the phone, Satan started planting seeds of doubt in my mind. Maybe he was right. Maybe I was just being naïve about the sincerity of my friends. In just minutes, Dayna called me and started talking about the march she attended in support of black men on her campus. I felt like her timing was orchestrated by the Lord, and that he was bringing truth to me.

My father shared how when he was a little older than me, he confronted his boss’ boss about racism in his department. He told me that he knew he could get fired for doing it, but he couldn’t continue working there at the risk of being passed over for promotions. Now my dad, compared to my grandfather, was probably perceived as a sell-out. He moved his family from NY city to the white suburbs in NY, had white friends, and was pursuing the American dream. His father often berated him for not being down with the cause. Yet here my father was, standing up for himself, and fighting racism at his own company. He supervision stood up for him, he was promoted, his boss faced the consequences for his racist actions, and he eventually became good friends with BOTH men.

Finally, my brother…last month, Derrick celebrated his 36th birthday at a club in NY. My brother, a music producer, dresses in typical hip hop gear. As he and his friends left the club (about 13 of them), they were standing on the corner, trying to figure out what they were going to do. Mind you, this is at night in NYC—the streets are packed with people. Two officers came up to them and demanded that they leave. They started walking, and the cops followed them. One of his friends, drunk, started talking junk to them. The cops told them that they needed to go back to the projects where they belonged. The situation escalated, and before they knew it, 10 cop cars pulled up, sirens wailing, guns drawn. Two of my brothers’ friends were arrested, and Derrick almost got arrested. (But being the level-headed guy that he is, he explained the situation and got out of it). Please note that my brother doesn’t drink, smoke, do drugs, mouth off at authority, or lose his temper. He is always the designated driver, and operates his music business with integrity. These guys did nothing wrong, and he did everything right. Yet he could have gotten arrested…or worse. Needless to say, the whole group was black.
I’m proud to be part of this generation of men who have had to fight injustice in their own ways. They’re all, in their own right, successful men who exhibit integrity, despite the way they’ve been treated. I wonder what their secret is, and what lesson we can pass on to the next generation.

Glenwood Web Site in the Making

2006-12-05T10:41:00.000-05:00

Check out this AMAZING web site that Dayna is building!

http://www.uncg.edu/~dlcarr/frameset.html

Change

2006-12-04T17:31:00.000-05:00

I moved out of my home of 3 years on Saturday. Though I am still in Glenwood, living with the Benbows in their basement apartment with Dayna, I having a hard time adjusting. I miss my large window and being able to see everyone as they pass by. I miss seeing the school bus come by and waving at our kids here in the hood. I miss kids stopping and just sitting around the house. I miss the spaciousness. I miss my roommate and having our dance floor (our kitchen)! I love my new roommate, but change is hard for me, and so I came to my new home today and am at loss as what to do as how to transition during this time.

Yet one thing never changes!!! And that is my Savior, my Jesus, my Lord. And I am forever thankful for this. He stays the same no matter what my circumstances are in this world right now. He got my attention today. I have not been fully relying on Him this past month and have leaned on my own wisdom and understanding. I choose today to surrender to His will. To His timing and to His love and plans for my life. I do not know how long I will be here in Greensboro. I am on a waiting list to go to a ministry for 6-9 months. I want to be open to the lessons that God has to teach me during this time....patience, humbleness, love, total reliance on Him.

Is it wrong to miss what I have been blessed with? No, I do not believe so. My 3 years on Union st. were hand crated by God. Yet, I do not want to live in the memories and miss the challenges and the blessings that He has laid before me here today.

"I Dare you to love me.Just try it."

2006-11-09T16:07:00.000-05:00

My pastor has been preaching about the role of parents in the life of a child, and talking about questions that little boys and little girls need answered. For boys it is, "Do I have what it takes?" and "Do you delight in me?" For girls it is, "Do you hear me and see me?" and "Am I beautiful?" For many of our tutoring kids, these questions are going unanswered at home, and I want us to prayefully consider how we/you might be used by God to help answer it. "Yes, young man, you have what it takes to succeed, and I enjoy having you around." "Yes, young woman, you are beautiful, and I hear your heart."

I know as well as you do that there are some kids who come who are harder to love, who resist your best intentions with cool passivity or even rebellion, and if you are like me, your first reaction could be anger and trying to motivate them to be disciplined and follow the rules. But what I am seeing in many of these kids, even in their disobedience, is them saying, "I DARE YOU to love me. Just try it." I am tempted to respond to that with frustraion of self-justification ("hey, I'm doing the best I can; just trust me"). But God has been speaking to me and teaching me through a few specific kids that what they long know that even if they don't do their work, or bring homework, or read, that I delight in them and that I am glad to see them just for them. That doesn't mean we don't discipline them. But it does mean that we take time to listen before we react, we seek the source of their anger and hurt rather than simply trying to correct it, and we patiently give them a voice to express what they are feeling and why they are struggling against us. Rules and discipline must be led by and enveloped by love and acceptance, and our kids must come to know that you ACCEPT and LIKE them, even when they are being difficult. Love alone will win the day and will produce the fruit and obedience that we long to see in our friends that we are working with. Please pray and ask God to fill you with love for these kids. I have seen Him faithfully and powerfully answer that prayer in my life.

Scriptural references for the above: He alone gives us the acceptance that we ask for (Romans 15:7b accept one another just as Christ has accepted you). He alone has loved us before we ever knew what love was (Jeremiah 31:3 - I have loved you with an everlasting love; 1 John 4:19 - We love because He first loved us). He alone delights in us as our Maker (John 1:3 Through Him all things were made; Psalm 139:13-14 PS 139:13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. PS 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made your works are wonderful, I know that full well.). He alone knows every tear that has fallen from our eyes (Rev . 7:17 - He will wipe away every tear from their eyes). And He alone holds the key to freedom and life, which is the forgiveness of our sins, the abilitity to forgive others, and the transforming presence and power of His very life in us (1 John 5:11-12 - 11 And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. 12 He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life.)

-Marshal-

Come and Listen

2006-11-09T15:40:00.000-05:00

This is going to be a wonderful event. The Glenwood Dance Ministry will be performing.Please come out and encourage our Young Dancers from Glenwood and support the Byers!

Dance Fundraiser
For missionaries Dave and Rachel Byers, put on by Triad Area Dancers

SUNDAY, 19TH of November 6:30p.m.

-Come and Listen –
A narrative through Movement

Location :
Grace Community Church

643 W. Lee Street, Greensboro

Performances By:
Pleasant Ridge Fine Arts Academy
Glenwood Dance Ministry (G.D.M.)
Hannah’s Haven
Rachel Byers

25 Cent Raffles:
Carolina Dance Wear – Gift Card
Dave Byers' Pottery
Cold Stone Creamery –Gift Cir.
Chick-Fil-A – Gift Cir.

Admission:
Free Admission and Child Care
Love offering Taken for Byers

For More Information:
www.wiredtothebyers.com

Clandestine Discipleship

2006-10-30T22:11:00.000-05:00

Where to begin? I am unsure where the beginning lies…all the way back to Adam and Eve would be a good starting place, but there is not enough space nor time at the moment to begin there. So the beginning will be this past Sunday with a few peeks at the past as well. This Sunday one of our pastors at Grace Community Church, http://www.gracecommunitychurch.org/ spoke on Ephesians 6:4(a) (the next ½ is for next Sunday!). Yup that is right just ½ a verse but what a powerful verse and message.

Sermon Text: Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

What does it mean to exasperate your children? Why would this verse be in the Bible if it was not important? Does God truly care about children and their upbringing? There is nothing that is in the Bible that is a mistake and that is the view point that we must look at this verse from.

Truth: We are all broken people due to the fall, sin!
We went on to study about that broken parents have two options they can either bring their brokenness to the cross, reveal it and receive TRUE healing. Or they will bring it upon their children. This is hard for Believers and non-believers to grasp, for we want to cover our brokenness in shame and anger and never reveal it. And even though we may try not to repeat the brokenness to our children we do and we will if it is not brought to the cross.

I feel I must pause here and encourage those of you that are Christians but have not brought your brokenness to Jesus and are wondering why you are still hurting so. Bring it to Him; He knows all the deepest secrets of anything you have done or things that have been done to you. He wants to bring them to the light and reveal what was hidden in darkness that you may be HEALED! This is scary and painful at time but oh so worth it… (Coming from someone that is still walking through it “ME”.)

Truth: The brokenness that was brought on you by your parents is not your fault but what you do with it is.
Did you really hear it when I said, “It is not your fault?” Even as an adult child I still believe that things that I had no control over were my fault. But the truth is that it was not. Yes, I sinned growing up I’ll be the first to admit that, but the sin of my parents is not my fault.

What will you do with your brokenness? Will you let it continue and pass it on to your children? Will you give your present children or future children an inheritance of brokenness or of TRUE freedom and TRUE healing? This is a question that we must look at, that we must ponder and fall on our faces before the Living God that He may redeem us and heal us.

Please join me praying for our FAMILIES. Our own personal families, and the ones here in Glenwood and all over our Nation.

Link to Sermon (10-29-06) http://www.gracecommunitychurch.org/Sermons/
Link to Study Questions (Very Helpful!) ftp://ftp.gracecommunitychurch.org/sbbs/10-29-06.pdf

Hannah Fest and Imagine Me

2006-10-26T14:12:00.000-05:00

This past weekend was a SUCCESS at Hannah Fest. It did rain but the rain did not touch the souls of those in attendance. Along with many beautiful and inspiring songs done by the residents at Hannah's Haven and the testimony of one of the ladies I was moved to tears. I was reminded once again that "God is Good" and that he does indeed care for the broken hearted!

Our G.D.M. girls along with my roommate Denine and I danced to "Imagine Me" by Kirk Franklin. This song speaks to all of the broken places in our lives from past abuse to low self esteem. As I danced one verse in the middle of our girls as they are laying in "broken" positions my heart rejoiced and cried out in sorrow at the same time at the freedom that we all have experinced this past month and the pain and shame that we must fight against.

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kirkfranklin/imagineme.html (Imagine me Lyrics)

To God be the glory for all the great things He has done. Jesus is the ONLY way to true freedom! I have tried for to long to gain this freedom on my own. Resting in His protective arms this afternoon.

Held

2006-10-26T14:01:00.000-05:00

Held - Natalie Grant

Two months is too little. They let him go. They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would Take a child from his mother while she prays Is appalling.
Who told us we’d be rescued? What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares? We’re asking why this happens To us who have died to live? It’s unfair.

Chorus: This is what it means to be held. How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life And you survive. This is what it is to be loved. And to know that the promise was When everything fell we’d be held.

This hand is bitterness. We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow. The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

(Chorus)

Bridge: If hope is born of suffering. If this is only the beginning. Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

If I new how to put a fancy link on this blog so that you could listent to this song I would...but I don't know know how and do not have enough time at the moment to explore :).

A friend of mine and I are working on a dance to this song, the lyrics are powerful. Maybe this is something you need to hear today too.

No matter what I am going through I know that I am HELD by my Jesus my Savior.

IDENTITY?

2006-10-13T11:24:00.000-05:00

Who am I? At first glance the question seems a little shallow, most of us have asked this question at one point or another but do we ever actually come to a conclusion? There are many things that I thought I was, but in actuality these were things that I did / had accomplished, things that happened, or the walk of life I was in, but they were not the essence, the core, of who I was/am.
The other morning as I was driving back to Greensboro I felt as though I didn’t know who I was or where I belonged. Some friends I just don’t relate to anymore. My views have changed on life. I like to have fun! But not by the world’s standards, crude jokes and idle talk just takes the joy out of fellowship. I realized yet another thing that I had wrongly identified myself with.
If I was to make a resume of who I was to the world I would be…A teacher, an interpreter, a dancer, a missionary in the hood, a Mathis, a dog lover, a college graduate and the list goes on… None of these things are bad in and of themselves at all but when one falls or is taken away are you at lost as to who you are? Am I at lost to who I am?
I am God’s child, I am created in him image. He spoke creation into existence yet He fashioned me out of man, and man out of dust. I am here to bring glory to God, to lift up His name. In this He has given me gifts to function in, He has given me friends, family, a world to dance my life in. Yet when all of the external things fall am I still who God has fashioned me to be? Yes, though at times I lose sight of this, of my true Identity. Today He has lifted my face and showed me once again that I am loved that I am His. This world is not all fair and games. I morn for what has been lost. Yet rejoice that I have not been lost. That I am still a daughter of the King.

Finally Surrendered

2006-10-05T22:28:00.000-05:00

I went to Hannah's Haven Recovery Home tonight, where the students (residents) drove all of us to tears with songs/dances of redemption and freedom. I cried with gratitude to God for raising up that home in His timing.

When we got home, Dayna called and told us that three guys moved into Glenwood, one or more of whom are interested in working with our boys. An answered prayer.

Earlier today, I met with someone who may fill the void in another ministry.

In less than three months, I will be going into a program designed to teach people how to "love God and make Him known." I don't know why God called me to lay down these ministries so soon. I think it's like Abraham laying down Isaac, his only son that he loved, the promised child that God gave him. Sometimes God calls us to lay down the very thing He brought to us so that He can give us so much more--greater faith, deeper trust in Him, healing, joy. I think that maybe Abraham started finding his identity in his son, rather than in the Father. Perhaps this is what happens to us in ministry.

I love my life in the G. But God loves the G more than I ever could and He has a plan that I can't see. I trust that if He's called me to something else, it's for my complete good, and not for my harm. So I look with joyful anticipation to the next step, not because of WHAT it is, but because of the One who called me.

I am finally surrendered.

Hannahfest 2006A "Friend-Raising" Event

2006-10-02T08:20:00.000-05:00

Hannahfest 2006A "Friend-Raising" Event

Sunday, October 22, 2006
2:00pm to 7:00pm
5432 Yanceyville Road
Brown Summit, NC

Food! Entertainment! Hot-Air Balloon Ride! Silent Auction!

Suggested Ticket Price: $10.00

See Hannah's Haven Web site www.hannahshaven.net for information and/or to receive information on how to purchase tickets.

Are Questions Allowed?

2006-09-28T19:11:00.000-05:00

Do you know how to drive? If so how did you learn? Do you have a checking account? Yes? Did anyone explain it to you and when you first opened it?

I know that when I got my first job, and first “real car”J, and auto insurance, and recently independent health insurance I didn’t know what I was doing. I had TONS of questions, but was too embarrassed to ask them. It was as if I thought that because I had a college degree now I am supposed to know everything all the ins and out of this “real world”. Thankfully that was a lie and I had people that came along side of me and TAUGHT ME and I learned how to do these new exciting things.

Yet the other day I was saddened when I heard a young mother tell me of an experience that she had a local bank. This mother wanted to start investing her money; she had heard about CD Investments and wanted to look into them. First of all this is a very courageous thing to do, to step out and to try something new… to want to better your children’s futures and at the same time stepping out of what has always to been to what might be. As the young mother proceeded to meet with a bank clerk she explained that she did not know much about CD Investments but that she would like to learn about them to see if it was a good choice for her family.
Well… the clerk couldn’t believe her ears and asked my friend, “Don’t you know how to manage money?”
The young mother laughed nervously as she replied, “Well no that is way I came hear to ask how and where to start.”
“If you can spend money you can manage it!” The clerk answered in a condescending tone.
After this and a few other unkind and unhelpful comments, the young mother walked out from the bank. She questioned herself if she even had the right to ask questions. She questioned herself why she didn’t KNOW how to do things.

To the readers:
Does this surprise you? That a young women living in the hood does not know about these things? Does it surprise you that I really don’t either? Why do we “expect people to know things that they have never been taught? Why have we, Christians allowed the government to take the place of what the Christ has called us to do?

This is the kind of fast day I'm after: to break the chains of injustice, get rid of exploitation in the workplace, free the oppressed, cancel debts.What I'm interested in seeing you do is: sharing your food with the hungry, inviting the homeless poor into your homes, putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad, being available to your own families.Do this and the lights will turn on, and your lives will turn around at once.Your righteousness will pave your way. The God of glory will secure your passage.Then when you pray, God will answer. You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am'

-Isaiah 58:6-9

To have or not to have, that is the question? HOMEWORK

2006-09-21T13:55:00.000-05:00

It is an age old question; one that is debated across the board from high achieving private prep-school, to the schools that are struggling to stay open, to the schools in my part of town where the first question in the morning should be did you eat breakfast instead of where is your homework.

I received an e-mail last week with a question from a teacher that was struggling with the “Home-work Dilemma” yet when I went to answer the e-mail today it was not there, so I will do my best to answer from my experiences and beliefs here.
The main question that I remember was, “Should students in poverty situations be given homework?”… “What about the fact that there usually is no one home to help them with their work if they get stuck.”

Living in the inner-city I see the good and the bad effects that HW has on the students living here. Setting poverty aside I believe that when a teacher is giving homework he/she must – know why it is being given and what is the expected outcome from the assignment. I have known many teachers that give homework because they feel they are supposed to yet it really is only busy work. Busy work does not count as an upstanding reason to have homework.
Homework should be used to assess the students grasp on a certain subject that was taught that day, not something to be “learned at home”. (If you want to student to do research at home, teach the how to do that first.) When assigning homework it should be an amount that truly gives the teacher an understanding of how the student in doing in a particular area of his/her studies. There is no reason to assign 25 Math problems all of the same skill when 10 would give an accurate reading of the student’s performance.

Is there a difference from middle and upper class kids to kids on a poverty level when it comes to HW? Yes! Sad but true. Parents of school age children on a poverty level are not as available to help or make sure that the HW is done. Most parents are single mothers working to keep food on the table and the lights turned on. Many of these parents do care about their children’s education yet have grown up in a cycle of apathy and the children catch on to this.

While there are times to assign HW I strongly encourage all teachers to think of the children. It is our jobs as teachers to teach our students well, to teach so that HW can be completed with a low amount of stress. Not to try to dominate the kids by loading them up with homework.

From one teacher to another, hope this helped a little.

Ways to Encourage kids in HW:
- Have a time during school that kids can choose to work on their HW. I did this at the end of each day for the last 20 min. Soon all of my students caught on, and would do the HW they thought was the hardest at school so that I was there to answer any questions.
- HW does NOT have to be BORING! Spice it up make it fun, so they look forward to it.
- Do not make typing a requirement unless you can provide a time and place during the school week for the assignment to be typed. (Make Typing worth extra credit! Most of the kids will start thinking creatively how they are going catch that bus and go to library to type it.)
- Make sure all HW is clearly explained and have students volunteer to explain it to the class at the end of each day. (Make sure you are all on the same page.)
- If HW is not necessary one day than don’t have it! J

i feel the rain

2006-09-04T15:30:00.000-05:00

I was close to tears as I drove home Wednesday night of last week after coming to the intersection of Aycock St and Lee St. As I sat in the left turn lane and watched two homeless men cut through the parking lot of Leon's Beauty Salon. This was the day Greensboro got 2" of rain. One of the men was pretty young (30's?), but his companion looked to be in his 50's, and was quite frail. Neither man had an umbrella, poncho, or anything, and both were soaked from the torrential rains that had been coming down for well over an hour. It was around 6:30pm, which meant it was too late for them to go to the Wednesday night dinner, cutting out that option of shelter, even if it would only be for an hour or so.

I was upset for lots of reasons...
...because the two men were stuck in the rain
...because if they got sick as a result, they probably wouldn't have health insurance
...because my annoyance at my leaking car pales in comparison
...because my friend Bo sleeps outside every night
...because I felt helpless

I am reminded of this passage...while it is hard to reconcile this with the occurrences I see in my neighborhood everyday, I know that it is true. I know that our friends are not forgotten.

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-31

Growing Pains

2006-08-31T08:16:00.000-05:00

Have you ever known a young teenager that was having growing pains? I have and it hurts! Yet they know that they are growing up getting taller and they don’t want it to stop they just want it to be over.

Today I feel like I have Spiritual Growing Pains…God does not want me to stay spiritually where I am and neither do I, yet the process is difficult to say the least.

Glenwood is in the midst of Growing Pains.

I see it in the faces of the children and the parents. I see it as I am sitting on my front porch and a man drives up to pick up a young prostitute; I beg her with my eyes and heart not to get in…she turns and says she is sorry and gets in the van. I see it as young lady calls and asks if she can come over and dance, the awkwardness was there for a while, b/c she has given me the cold shoulder for so long… but she pushed through, she danced and I was so proud of her. A mom is seeking financial help, laying aside pride and willing to learn new things so that she can provide a home for her children. A mom is coming to church after seeing how much her kids love it.

I believe that Glenwood has been introduced to Jesus and even though some of them do not recognize it we are all going through growing pains as what was “comfortable and normal” is not any more, and we must choose this day who we will serve!

I choose to serve JESUS no matter what…though doubts and trials and growing pains.

Site Feed

2006-08-29T15:10:00.000-05:00

For anyone interested, the XML feed for the Glenwood blog is listed below. There are many feed readers/aggregators to choose from if you do not already have one. For online reading, I recommend Bloglines. For a downloadable client, I recommend Snarfer.

http://g-wood.blogspot.com/atom.xml

Masterpiece

2006-08-23T21:58:00.000-05:00

Masterpiece

Yesterday morning I was thinking about a Slumber Party that we are having for the Older Girls here in Glenwood, and I was unsure how it was going to turn out but had a feeling (you know that one that just sits on your heart until you acknowledge it) that this was to be different than before.

Two years ago we had a “Princess Party” led by my former roommate and forever friend Donna. The girls heard first hand how much God loves them, and that they loved by Jesus and are indeed “Fine China” and should except no less from any guy. I believe that this lesson is implanted on their hearts even if they do not always live by it.

Examples:

One girl urged her mom not to throw out the tea cup that she was given at the party b/c it reminded her that she was “Fine China”.

Another girl that seems so hard to the world and others, sheepishly asks when we might have another “Princess Party” and remembers how special she felt being escorted by loving Godly men and learning that she is indeed worth waiting for.

“Yet, what do you do when the world continues to tell you that you are NOT “Fine China” that you are NOT a princess of the KING and they vandalize you?” Is the thought that came to me yesterday.

I saw a beautiful MASTERPIECE that represented us, God’s children, and then I saw people coming to the Masterpiece, us, and vandalizing it with all sorts of hurts/sins (words – your stupid you will never amount to anything, your own dad didn’t want you…, actions – abuse in every form, neglect, rape…) And even at times we would vandalize ourselves as we believed these lies from the Evil One.

Well meaning people in our lives would want to help, yet their advice would be to just ignore it, get some white paint and white wash the Masterpiece. While this may seem right in the world’s eyes b/c now the hurt seems to be covered up…but so is the Masterpiece. And the cycle continues in the lives of our girls and myself. That we are hurt so badly yet continue to white wash ourselves until we have completely forgotten that we are a masterpiece under layers and layers of vandalism and “well meaning” white wash.

ENOUGH!!!!

Jesus has come to heal and to restore, He has come to peel back the layers of sin and pain and reveal the masterpiece that He created us to be.

I do not know how this will take form at the Slumber Party, but I do feel led to share this and illustrate it to the girls and use “my story” as the backdrop.

Prayer Requests:
- That I would have courage to speak TRUTH
- That the words would not be mine but God’s
- That the girls would have open hearts
- For women to step up that feel called to be a mentor for these girls
- Bible study and Counseling to be available to the girls
- For peace as hard things are shared and discussed

Learned Apathy

2006-08-12T16:55:00.000-05:00

Learned Apathy

Today I found myself in a situation that was scary and frustrating at the same time. Two High School girls from the neighborhood asked for a ride to a store in Greensboro to do some school shopping. It was taking longer than we thought so I informed them that I needed to go home to check on the dog that I was dog sitting and I would be back in 10-15 min. I left and returned 10 minutes later to find that they were no where in the store to be found. While I was looking for them I ran into another member of our church that lives up the street from me in the hood. We began to look for the girls, and I went to area shops around asking if any one had seen them; no one had but was concerned at the time that they had been missing (over and hour at this point.)
We found the girls eventually at a store in another shopping center filling out job applications. They were shocked to say the least that I was worried about them and upset that I had no idea where they were. After I picked them up I brought them back to the store that we were at to begin with and explained to them that the people working there were concerned about them as well, and that they were to go in and apologize for any worry that they had brought to them. The two girls were astonished that I would ask them to do such a thing, yet humbly went in and apologized to the clerks at the store.
On the way home I explained to them that it was not so much that I was upset that they went to another store, but that I couldn’t find them and that I was so concerned and worried and wondering if they were all right. They said they were sorry and tried to let it drop. I could see that they were still confused at the reason for my worry. I explained how I had asked other people if they had see them, and that complete strangers were concerned and wanted to know how to help. One of the girls spoke up at this point and said, “That is not true Suzanne, strangers do not care anything about us.”
This is where the light bulb went off for me. I knew in my heart that they were not being rebellious but at this point it became clear that it was “Learned Apathy”. Their thinking is right in how so many children here in Glenwood have been raised. You are to fend for yourselves no one really cares what you do just don’t interfere with their lives. Many children are taught this from an early age. It breaks my heart when I bring a child to ask his/her parents permission to go somewhere and the parent’s response is I don’t care what you do.
I began to confront the lies through Jesus, that I saw sitting on their tender hearts. “This is not true, you are loved people do care for you, even if they have never met seen you.” I informed my girls. “I understand why you think that it wouldn’t have mattered to anyone where you were or if something had happened to you, but the truth is that there are adults that care.” At this point one of the young ladies smiled and tried to hide it. I was unsure why she smiling and she looked at me and said, “Ms. Suzanne I am not smiling b/c what you said is funny I am smiling b/c I feel special.
We are called as the body of Christ to confront the lies that we and others believe because of this fallen world that we live in. We are called to teach and to embrace those that are broken hearted and some do not even realize that they are. It is not enough to show up at church or to invite a friend to church; while these are things that we are to do we are not called to end there. Jesus was concerned with the poor, with the lost, with those that had nothing and believed that no one cared anything about them. We are called to be a shining light, and to draw others to Jesus.

Jesus told us and showed us by example that: “They will know you’re my disciples by your love for one another!”

Reflections on Camp, Part 1

2006-07-21T14:09:00.000-05:00

Camp is over, and exhaustion is trying to keep its foothold. Camp was an eventful 10 days - in every sense of the word. But for now, it is time to celebrate a few (there is so much I could list!!) of the amazing things the Lord did during our time together.

1. God began the healing process in one of our girls who was raped, and for the past four years thought it was her fault.

2. Two of our girls were able to cry over the deaths of a little brother and a father in the shelter of God's arms.

3. One of our boys found a time of peace, love, and protection outside of his tumultuous home life.

4. Two of our campers were called to account for a sinful relationship and are working through it.

5. Our kids were able to experience the love and beauty of God in the form of nature (and recognize it!) at the mountains and the beach.

Motives

2006-07-17T21:37:00.000-05:00

I was just reading a "Dear Annie" letter from a woman in Michigan. She and her husband moved into a transitional neighborhood and are "trying to make a positive impact on the neighborhood," but are faced with the challenges that come with that--break-ins, trash thrown in the yard, and comments that they are "uppity." She asks "Annie" what should she do--move out or stick it out?

I wonder what their motives are for living there. Probably not the same as hours--to share the love of Christ--she probably wouldn't have been asking an advice columnist for direction. Maybe their first motive was getting a great deal on a house with "character," but then felt like they could be some saving element in the 'hood.

I'm not trying to be judgmental or nothin' because I'm challenged to look at my own motives for being here. How often do I get resentful when people "I'm just trying to help" reject me, don't follow through on things they say they're going to do, or simply choose bondage. Internally, I think "I'm pouring out all my time and energy on you, and you respond like THIS?" Ouch! That's the reality of how I feel sometimes. Ugly, ain't it?

So what's my motive for being here? Results? Inner satisfaction? Or because Jesus told me to?

Maybe if my motives were more in line with Jesus', I wouldn't get s frustrated when things don't change as fast as I want them to.

Shuckin' & Jivin'

2006-07-02T10:57:00.000-05:00

In today's News and Record, the following headline caught my attention: "Black men quietly fight negative stereotypes."

The article talked about how a 6'7" black lawyer keeps his hands behind his back or in his pockets, stands with his feet close together, and talks in a softer voice so that he won't intimidate people.

Another guy, who often dresses in baggy jeans and oversized t-shirts, disarms folks with his Southern charm, peppering his speech with lots of "Yes ma'ams" and "no ma'ams."

And then--I'm ashamed to admit this one as an alum--a selective business program at Hampton University (a historically black college) forbids students from wearing earrings and dreadlocks, believing that this opens up more opportunities.

The sad thing is that this is a matter of survival for many of our black brothers. My real brother for example, a producer in the hip hop industry, doesn't drink, smoke, or use foul language. Yet he's been pulled over by the cops more times than he can count and has had his car searched. No explanation, no apologies from the cops. He talked to me about how he keeps his hands on the steering wheel, then says very slowly, "I'm going to reach into my glove compartment and pull out my wallet now...is that okay?" so that he won't give the cops any excuse to arrest him...or worse.

More than angry, I'm grieved that my brothers have to go through this, as I've only experienced a small fraction of this. I'm proud of the ones who are confident in who they are (and Whose they are), yet respond to the stereotypes about them in love rather than defiance.

But how can you NOT be an angry black man over constantly compromising who you are just so that people will see WHO YOU ARE??

Read the whole story: http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/M/MEN_SURVIVING_BLACKNESS?SITE=NCGRE&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2006-07-01-17-43-29

me and my friend B

2006-07-01T21:12:00.000-05:00

I ran to my car one day last week, trying not to get completely soaked by the torrential rains we had. My car was parked across the street from the back of Baluba's, where my friend B stays. As I ripped open the door of my car, I hear "Hey there young lady! Try not to get too wet!" I look up to see B sticking his head out from under a semi. I thanked him and gave him an equally pleasant greeting/warning, while trying to hurry up and get dry.

"I was going to work today, but I decided to stay in the house."

It was a cold realization. I was running to get into my car, agitated of the 30-seconds worth of water soaking through my clothes, and here B was happy to be able to stay dry (and I use the word dry loosely) in his "house" - aka on the pavement under a semi-trailer.

Summer Camp!!!

2006-06-28T20:18:00.000-05:00

Camp is only 7 days away! I'M SO EXCITED!!! (for the two of you who will truly appreciate that...)

Anyhow, Denine, Suzanne & I went and scoped out Charleston this past weekend, and had quite an adventure. But, amidst nearly losing Denine's clutch, almost running over a cross-dresser, and battling the palmetto bugs (thanks Neen!), we also saw God move. We prayed over Denine's car, and it made the 5 hour trip back without even the slightest hiccup. While we were concerned about the tightness of the KOA we're staying at (it's not anything close to what a campground should be), we were assured by the staff that our cabins would be together. Also, being the friendly (read: high maintenance) girls that we are, we became close friends with a few of the ladies in the camp store, and are hoping to see them again when we take the kids. (Maybe high maintenance isn't the right word...but we were up there a lot!)

The pieces are all falling in place - our cabins are set, we have the routes mapped out to perfection (so long as I don't lose my memory before then!), and the kids are getting pumped up.

Now the only thing left is prayer...I know that we're already covered - but you can never pray enough! A few things off the top of my head - protection on the road, calm spirits in the kids, willingness to learn (both kids & counselors), good weather, sanity for the counselors, and NO PALMETTO BUGS!!!!! There are many, many things you can pray with us about - if you'd like, you can let us know, be it on the blog, via phone or email, or if you see one of us. It's always encouraging when you know for a fact that people are praying!

In Control

2006-06-19T21:49:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about a young girl in our neighborhood, K, lately. I came to a really profound conclusion (at least in my own mind...) regarding this situation about a week ago while I was trying to go to sleep. I didn't write it down, and so when I lost consciousness that night, so I lost the conclusion. But here goes #2.

K is 14, and comes from one of our more popular families here in Glenwood. I found out recently that she has become very promiscuous and has been experimenting with some drug use. She is also bouncing around between places to live. All of these factors bother me, especially that she doesn't have a firm place to call "home" at the tender age of 14, but I think the thing that breaks my heart the most is the promiscuity.

K, like most of the kids in our neighborhood, does not have a father. Knowing some of her family situation, which I won't go into here, there is one thing that K is lacking in her life - GUIDANCE. When a child comes up with hurt in their life, including the kind of hurt that comes from their father leaving them, the child will often become obsessive with being able to control their life, or at least a few aspects. Couple that with never having a man in her family speak life and love into her.

K is now a young woman. She knows that she can use her body to manipulate men (thank you, media). She wants to control aspects of her life. Enter sex. She can choose when to give herself away - maybe in her mind she isn't even giving anything away...perhaps she views herself as the taker.

While I don't know the degree of the situation K is in, her sister made it seem pretty serious...so now, a call to prayer to break the chains of sexual addiction and emotional oppression.

Link to another post from Marsh

2006-06-19T15:51:00.000-05:00

Check out a neighborhood post on my blog: http://joyinthemargins.blogspot.com

Shutting Down

2006-06-04T22:05:00.000-05:00

There was another shooting last night, about a block away from my house. I've heard there was one Friday night, too, but am not sure about that. Either way, that's 2, maybe 3 within one month. I was deeply affected by the first one. I've talked about this with a few other Glenwood folk; it really surprised me how hard it hit me. I realized that I really feel the pulse of the community. It didn't hurt so much for the particular person who got shot, but for the general oppression that blankets our neighborhood.

I found out about this one walking home from church this morning. N is a really sweet guy, he talks slow and has some sort of mental deficiency, although I'm not sure if it's drug induced or not. He said he wanted to make sure that I knew, he knows that we are trying to "change the neighborhood." He was really upset by the whole deal - which is a very good thing.

I have found myself consciously shutting down today. I just don't have time to process it right now...too much to do. Knowing how much it affected me before, I decided to wait and deal with/pray through this when I'm home alone this evening...after I get "all the important stuff" done. I keep going back to N though... He talked about how terrible this was for the neighborhood, how much he hated it. How things hadn't seemed so bad lately. All day today I've heard his voice saying the things I feel in my heart.

I wonder if this is what most people in Glenwood do. They just pick themselves up and move on. They pretend it didn't happen...they just keep working harder to try to make life better. In talking to a few people about the last shooting, they were all very matter of fact, as if it was something that happened on the other side of the world. While N surprised me in his vulnerability, it was refreshing.

I hope in the future I can be as brave as N, and just let it take hold.

Sunday Morning Sacrifice

2006-06-02T20:19:00.000-05:00

So...a Glenwood mom and I were talking earlier about Grace and her church (predom. black). She said that she really appreciates the way Grace reaches out to the community, and is disappointed that her church doesn't do the same. So I asked, "Why don't you come to Grace?" "Ms. Denine" she said, "I've tried. I really get a lot out of the message. But I feel like I can't worship the way I want to there. It's so quiet. But on the other hand, I want to be at Grace because I like the heart of the people. I just don't know what to do."

We can invite parents to Grace, but we must realize that they make a "sacrifice" when they come. They sacrifice a bit of their identity, music preference, style, culture. They sacrifice a sense of belonging. They put themselves in danger of being a sellout or "wanna be." (Me too, just a little...)

So what do we do? I don't know...I keep coming--to me, it's more of a sacrifice to go someplace where I don't feel God's heart for people in need. I know that Grace is trying to be more diverse, to reach out...but to me, change is coming slowly, and it's frustrating. That's one less person that looks like me, and one more Sunday morning that we retreat to our separate corners to worship the same God.

Big sigh.

Denine

Where are all the godly black men??

2006-06-02T20:12:00.000-05:00

Okay, I know somebody reading this is thinking that I'm just another single sista' looking for a husband. Bear with me...

A mom in Glenwood was telling me about her son, a good kid, but starting to rebel. Talking back to his teacher, playing pranks, getting suspended. This is a smart, respectful kid, with a godly mother, whose father is in jail. I could talk to him until I'm blue in the face, but he needs a strong, God-loving MAN in his life! Someone who he can look up to and say, "I don't have to be a thug--I can be like him one day."

So my Christian brothers, WHERE ARE YOU??? Our boys in the hood need you!! I can teach 10-year-old Rasaaune how to treat a woman (open my car door, carry my bags, walk on the outside of the sidewalk) but I can't show him how to be a man. And in his words, "I don't know any good men."

Losing hope...but not giving up.
Denine